Startup Founder Conflict: Can You Get Ahead Of It?
Here are four concepts to think about carefully, as they could make the difference between a festering grudge and a virtuous partnership:
1. Discuss values and motivation (not just vision).
Agreeing that you want to build a unicorn together is the tip of the iceberg. Go deeper to understand your motivation (Is it money? Status? Changing the world?), values (Do you prioritize fairness? Growth? Adventure?) and life paths (What are the three big life events that brought everyone here/shape how people think?). While the specifics don’t need to perfectly sync between founders, understanding what makes each person tick will establish deeper bonds, foster greater empathy and build shorter paths to conflict resolution.
An entertaining activity to draw out the above is to play the “What if this happens…?” game. For example, “What if we are offered $20 million for our business in six months?” Talking through the scenarios that you may encounter on your journey will elicit less obvious and more subconscious drivers from each person.
2. Recognize that feedback works only when the right language is used.
Regular time and space should be scheduled to give feedback (reflecting on things that have happened) and feedforward (what the person could be doing differently in the future). Choose the framework you like best but stick to one that is specific, fact-based and actionable. Building this release valve into the weekly cadence will help catch issues early.
Feedback is only a gift when it’s delivered in language and a tone that can be received. Attacking, labeling or being passive-aggressive (i.e., the silent treatment) will surface issues but can make things worse. I suggest clients use the non-violent communication approach for charged conflict as it focuses on empathy, neutral observations and personal ownership of unmet needs and feelings. It may sound mushy but the NVC approach has been powerful enough to negotiate peace deals and end gang violence because of its humanizing ethos.
3. Agree on how to disagree. Then disagree and commit.
Whose name comes first on the about page? Should we use Helvetica or Proxima Nova for the logo? Does a ficus or monstera plant at reception better espouse our values? Taking the hill on every issue will exhaust everyone and waste valuable time. Identify what’s really important to each other and the business and be flexible on the rest (refer back to everyone’s values and motivation).
For the big strategic issues, agree on a time-boxed protocol to amicably work through options and choose the best path forward. The book Crucial Conversations is a great resource to help construct the above. When all else fails, de-escalate by circling back to your joint vision, focus on win-win outcomes and be willing to disagree and commit, especially when you should be trusting the domain expertise of your partners.
Relationship expert Esther Perel cites three categories of hidden issues that drive founder conflict including power and control, care and closeness, and respect and recognition. Keep these top of mind when there is disagreement. It will help you better understand and resolve the root cause of the issue rather than getting stuck on font choice.
4. Don’t try to go it alone. Seek independent outlets.
In any high-stakes relationship, our own assumptions and emotions can cloud reality. Even those with the highest emotional intelligence and ability to detach from heated situations will have biases and blind spots. A truly objective view requires an independent trusted advisor. This is someone who has your back but can challenge your views while also illuminating the opposing perspective.
The more emotional you are about a situation, the more you could benefit from a neutral brain. Often, talking through an issue with someone else is all you need to feel better, move forward and even (gulp!) compromise.
While it’s best to have these discussions and to establish the above parameters on day one, it’s never too late to get started (it just gets harder with accumulated tension). Successful marriages take ongoing cultivation and starting a business with someone is no different. When I hear founder war stories, it’s often about how horrible the other person was. While in some cases this is true, it usually takes two to tango. So remember the golden rule: Always reflect on how you might be co-contributing to a conflict. You have the power to change this right now and being the first-mover might be all it takes to solve that issue.
CoFounder Conflict: Resolving Business Dilemmas Like a Boss
It’s an age-old entrepreneurial dilemma — how to deal with cofounder conflict. If you’re a founder, chances are you’re familiar with these types of dilemmas or it’s just a matter of time until you experience one.
Because new ventures are often a labor of love, it’s understandable that entrepreneurs become emotionally attached to them. This attachment can produce great success but it can also lead to the demise of a business. In fact, team and cofounder conflicts are the third most common reason that startups fail, right up there next to financial problems and a lack of market need.
And while you might assume that two heads are better than one — more resources, more human capital, more access to financial capital, and bigger networks — there’s also friction that occurs. So, some founders choose to go at it alone (even becoming unicorns). Others need a founding team to operate. If you’re the latter, knowing how to engage in conflict is essential to surviving and thriving as a startup.
While we won’t cover every single detail or scenario in this guide, we do give a comprehensive overview of how to embrace cofounder conflict, establish boundaries with your founding team, and what to look for in a cofounder (if you don’t already have one or need a new one).
How to Embrace CoFounder Conflict
It’s natural to think that the best-case scenario is to minimize all conflict, but that’s not necessarily true. Successful startups are run by founders who aren’t afraid of conflict and have learned to embrace it. In fact, in order to have a healthy and functioning business relationship, you need to learn how to argue (fairly) and come up with a solution that you can both live with.
With that in mind, there is a best course of action for founders and cofounders to resolve dilemmas with one another.
1. Have a Plan of Action (In Writing)
2. Address Conflict Head On
3. Work to Understand Your CoFounder’s Point of View
4. Come Up With a Solution
How to Establish Boundaries
While conflict is a natural part of cofounder relationships or becoming an entrepreneur, fighting all the time is also a recipe for a strained relationship.
In fact, conflicts are such a frequent problem that 43 percent of entrepreneurs end up parting ways because of internal arguments — many being forced to buy out one another or call it quits. Of these startup leaders who split, 71 percent said their cofounder breakup was due to differences of opinion on the company’s direction and 18 percent felt it was because the ousted cofounder didn’t share the venture’s values.
So how do you prevent becoming one of the above statistics? If fighting is a common occurrence between founders, it usually means that their individual roles aren’t well-defined. Here are five tips for how to help establish boundaries and navigate the murky waters of cofounder conflict.
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- Make a list of all of the areas needed for your business. Then figure out who is best at each part, and assign one person to it. The beauty of having a cofounder is that there are two people to bring different skill sets and strengths to the table. Capitalize on this instead of letting it divide you.
- When a big decision arises, everyone should agree to hear each other out. Once the owner of that task makes a decision on which direction to go, all debate should be over.
- Agree to move on. Again, once a decision has been made, it’s time to bury the hatchet. Don’t continue to surface an argument or this will only lead to a lack of trust.
- Don’t let disagreements fester. Have those difficult conversations as soon as they arise or you’ll just be looking at larger conflicts and problems that are more challenging to resolve later on.
- Don’t choose a cofounder who’s the complete opposite of you. Many people think that a compatible cofounder has to be the polar opposite of themselves for their startup to succeed. But the reality is you need to share values with your business partner — not to mention, your work ethic should resemble your partner’s or it’s going to be tough to spend your working hours together.
Make sure you can respect your cofounder’s approach to business, personality, and skill sets.
What Does It Mean to Embrace Conflict?
If you’re new to the game or it’s your first time experiencing a cofounder conflict, it can be difficult to understand how to embrace conflict and fight fairly.
Don’t Abandon Your Stance Once the Conflict Starts
Don’t Bulldog Your Way to a Decision
Arguments Should be Collaborative and Data-Based
Be Open to Getting Professional Help
You’re Having a CoFounder Conflict, What’s Next?
If you’re unable to resolve the cofounder conflict and the relationship is in danger of poisoning your business, it might be time to move on. In fact, 23 percent of startups said that not having the right team contributed to their startup failure — you don’t want to be part of this statistic.
Finding a new cofounder or even a good one can be like spotting an exotic animal — i.e., they’re not usually going to be someone you spot on the street. So, where do you find your ideal partner?
Prior to going on a (new) cofounder hunt, you’ll want to:
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- Know what you bring to the table — Startups aren’t without risks, so you’ll need more than just an idea to convince someone to join you in a leap of faith. Consider what you have to bring to the table — do have an established customer base? Experience with startups? What about funds that you’ve set aside?
- Have something to show — Maybe you don’t have a product or service yet, but do you at least have something tangible to show a prospective cofounder? What about a landing page, business plan, or pitch deck? Not only are these things signals that you’re serious and committed, but it makes the process of explaining your vision to a prospective cofounder much easier.
